erghhh

So I've been having huge eating guilt today.

I had my dinner all planned out, but when I got out of college all my girls were waiting at the gate for me, turns out I'd missed a text to meet them for coffee.

Costa coffee really has the loveliest paninis. I got a cheese and mushroom flat bread thing which was 391cals, and I'd only had 2 rice cakes and low fat cream cheese for brekky at 140cals, but then I uncontrollably bought a packet of stupidly high calorie crisps at 194cals CRAZY CALORIES I TELL YOU CRAZY!!

Just had water all day a part from that and didn't get coffee but I just felt so awful for eating that panini and the crisps.

Then I went to see my friend's boyfriend in a play at college with my friend and they were giving out popcorn, but my friend is dieting too so we were all smug together not having any.

But then about an hour ago I went into the kitchen to get some water and I had the most pathetic binge ever, I only had an olive, a handful of pumpkin seeds and a glass of tropical juice, but I still feel so horrid about it. Like, I can't even go into the kitchen without eating something.

I feel like I've failed. I did 50 sit ups as soon as I came upstairs which is on top of my usual 25 but errrrggghhhh.

And I feel a little bit full now as well which is awful.

And I was 48.5kg when I weighed myself earlier so I've hardly lost anything in 2 days.

SAD FACE.

urghhh sorry for the rant.

here's some bikini thinspo, I think she waslike Miss World or something wasn't she?

I want to have bony shoulders

bye xxx

bananana

I actually hate banana's

In other news, OMG I HAVE A FOLLOWER. faaaanks Buu.

anyway, weighed myself before my bath yday and I'm back down at 48.6kg, which is bearable, as it means I have 3 pairs of jeans I can actually wear as oppose to just the one, altho being able to wear all of them would really be quite nice.

Today was meant to be a 6 meal day, but I got in after my 9 O'clock lesson, went straight to sleep, and didn't get up until 4.30, so I missed quite a few eating times.

I had had a rice cake and low fat cream cheese for brekky at 8 (70ish cals)

special K bar at 10 in my break (83cals)

and rice cake and low fat lurpak when I got in at 12 before I crashed (about 75cals)

I had a gig to go to and I knew I was gonna drink, and after the events of Friday I thought probably eating something vaguely substantial before I went was sensible, plus I was STARVING so I had a weight watchers quiche at about 5ish, which was 275cals. God, proper meals are amazing.

I felt really kinda awful about it cos it wasn't in the rules for today at all but I stuck to vodka and diet cokes when I was out and a part from that drinks wise I've only had water today so I spose it wasn't a total disaster. And it was better to have something vaguely low cal rather than get chips while I was out.

I really need to get a bit more definate about my rice cake calories as I'm practically living off them, but I'm not sure how many calories are in my light lurpak. I'd go check now but I think my mum might be a bit like what are you doing? And also the kitchen is a dangerous place for me to be so I'll find out tomorrow.

This was meant to be a short one.

Oops.

Kkkkkk Summery thinspo:

her boobs are clearly fake but her stomach is like hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

haha.

This one was a bit silly but I have had a few drinks.

byeeeeeeeee xxxx

a sit down dinner and lots of malibu

OK soooo, haven't written in a few days cos have had a bit of a crazy weekend

Weighed myself on Friday in the day and I was 48.4kg so I was pretty hapz about that, but due to drinking half a bottle of straight malibu on Friday night (this didn't end well and I don't recommend it) and having to go to a family do on Saturday where I was fed lots I was back at 49kg by Saturday night and now seem to be stuck there.

I actually thought I had done OK on Saturday as I only had 2 rice cakes with low fat cream cheese for breakfast and then didn't eat until we got there in anticipation. The starter was a vegetable soup and it was only a small bowl, and I was expecting something less fattening than everyone else for the main as a vegetarian option (I've been veggie for 6 years, it's nothing to do with weight loss, it's a moral thing) but instead of chicken breast and veggies I got a cheesy pie thing. Man was it delicious, I managed to only eat half and the vegetables and I had about 2 bites of desert (apple tart) but I think all the alcohol calories (I drank a lot of wine that night too) added up.

Strangely I'm very conscious of drink calories atm, I've been making sure to bring water to college so I don't end up buying fizzy drinks from the machines (they never seem to have diet options) but alcohol is my friend. Somehow. Hahaha. I sound like a massive alcoholic.

ANYWAY, I'm back on the 6 meals thing today, It got a little messed up because I was on the bus home at 4 when I was meant to eat, and I'd only brought in 3 things to eat during the day, but I ate at about 5 when I got in and I'm going to have 'dinner' at 6.30ish. I'm within my calorie intake so it's not a big deal, and now that the weekend's over I can get back to doing 10 minutes of 'hulas' a night (one of those crazy japanese weight loss crazes, one of my best mates is half japanese so I'm prone to these) and 25 sit-ups (not a lot but if I know I have to do 100 I don't bother to do any) so HOPEFULLY I might be able to get back into the 48s soon.

Today we were on the computers in English and I was so hungry I started googling pictures of pizza and pasties and all things yum, it's something I've found myself doing a lot recently when I'm trying not to eat. It sort of helps. My friends tell me this is obsessive behaviour and were a bit concerned, but it's not like they ever thought I was normal.

Some summery thinspo:

I've been watching a lot of Skins online recently in anticipation of series 4 and I do love Cassie I do so I thought we could have her.

bye bye bye xxx

injections and pastys

yeahhhhh,

so today I had my 2nd HPV injection. It wasn't exactly what yew'd call superfun. My arm is all disabled again now, possibly worse than after the first one. Bad times. I had to get up earlier than usual to go have it done as well which isn't cool. Still, at least I'm less likely to die of Cervical cancer now, which probably wouldn't be superfun either, or at least I will be after number 3.

I decided that after the pain of the whole thing I deffo deserved a Cheese and Onion pasty from Gregg's, spesh as their was a voucher for a free one in the paper. It was just tempting fate really. According to a random website they're only 305cals which I'll beleive cos they aren't very big so I'm sure I'll recover from that, especially as I decided to walk home from Harrow instead of being a lazy arse and getting the bus like I normally do.

I had 2 rice cakes with light lurpak for brekky which is 140cals (ish)

plus an Alpen bar at college which was 124

and then pasty at 305

so that makes 569 so far today, which actually isn't bad at all.

If I get crazy hungry later I will have a ryvita with peanut butter or a special K bar or something but I'm going to try not to.

I tried on my old bikini yday, and I think it will look quite lovely when I'm skinny although it does make my boobs look a bit of funny shape so I'm going to get a nice one from La Senza or something too nearer the time. I took a picture of myself in it to remind me of how lardy I look in it now, which I was going to upload but then I thought, does the world really need to see this? And decided the answer was no.

Weighed myself last night and I was 49.5kg, which means I lost 0.8kg in one day, which is pretty awesome. Although I'm sure I won't be able to keep that up, and if I do I won't weigh anything at all by the time the holiday comes! I tried to make a 'ticker' thingy to like track my weight loss progress but it told me I wasn't allowed to have a target weight under 46kg which I think is a bit silly cos I'm only 5"2 but willies to them.

That's all anyway.

Here's some more bikini/beach/summer based thinspo to get me all motivated...

ok so that's lingerie as oppose to swim wear but yew get the idea.

haha I used to think that lingerie meant the same thing as laundry when I was a kid.

OK bye kids xxx

wowowow

I haven't done a blog since time itself was invented.

Basicallyyy

I'm just doing this now to obsessively ramble on about my diet that I'm on to lose weight for our pre-uni holiday to Zante in July, so that my friends don't think I've lost the plot/ get bored of me going on-and-on-and-on about how much I've eaten.

So I'ma let it out on here.

OKKKKK so, I'm doing this thing where yew eat something between 50 and 100cals every 2 hours. Drinks count, unless of course they're alcoholic (I think alcohol is very definitely MEANT to count, but if I did it like that I would use all my calories on alcohol and never eat at all) yeah and yew eat 6 meals a day starting at like 8am and finishing at 6pm.

Except, there's only 3 days a week that I'm UP at 8am, and another of my new rules is that I can't eat anything after 7pm (something or other about metabolisms, although also it just means that I eat less) so obvz I can't do that for the other 4 days of the week.

SO on those days I'm having brekky (usually when I wake up at about 12) which is usually around 200cals and then nothing until about 530 when I will have dinner that's usually around 400cals, which I have to say, tends to leave me less absolutely starving to death than the 6 meal thing, but it is good to be able to eat every 2 hours at college and such the like.

I've been doing this for a week now but I didn't dare weigh myself until yesterday because of all the weight I'm sure I put on over Christmas.

I'm at 50.3kg now and my target is 45kg, although really I would like to be 42kg for the holiday which I think is on the 23rd July.

All the boys will be there and I would love to feel thin enough to actually wear a bikini for the first time since I was like 13, when I still only wore it in the garden even though I probably only weighed about 2 kilos at the time.

well, that's all my rambling for today, I can eat something in 6 minutes time, which is brilliant cos I'm starving.

here's some thinspo (I know no one will see this but still still)

k bye x