Last year's wishes are this year's apologies.

Last night I went out in a belly top for the first time in like, forever, so that was nice.

I've not done brilliantly today tho.

I'm gonna guess at about 900cals although I don't know exactly.

ie. absolutely fucking tons.

Hangover hunger is a bitch,

although looking at all the skinny dancers on Pineapple Dance Studios this morning kept me away from the peanut butter.

Will definately definately get my intake back under 500 tomorrow.

New Year, New Start and all that.

Meeting my boyfriend has made this the best year ever, and I look forward to another brilliant year with him.

I can and will get down to 42kg next year.

Will type up all my resolutions tomorrow guys.

Hope you all have really good New Years Eves.

thinspo:

Lets make 2011 a wonderful year of skinniness.

And lets make all our legs look like those number 1s.

xxx

I want to be able to eat carbs without wanting to kill myself

That's a quote from 'The Holiday', it was on TV last night so I watched it on my own drinking straight amaretto cos it's one of my all time favourite movies. Actually tho, I pretty much only eat carbs, I just don't eat much of them if that makes any sense at all.

I was dead on 46kg this morning anyway, so I have survived Christmas and only gained 0.1kg which is bearable. I aim to be 45.5kg on the morning of the 11th Jan, just before I go back to uni, and my only weigh in before then will be on Wednesday 5th. I would aim lower but as it seems to take me a month to lose a kilo these days I won't to avoid suicide.

Anyway, my boyfriend came back today, it was so lovely to seehim! He's working like every night for the rest of his life now to make up for having had a holiday (he works behind the bar at a pub) so I'm stalking him at work tonight and he's staying over afterwards and the same for New Years, altho my fam and E are going up there with me tomorrow night, and hopefully my friend who just got back from Morrocco is coming with me tonight.

Intake today=

2 rice cakes w/extra light philly 124cals

packet of salt and vinegar french fries 84cals

Mini pizza 265cals

473cals

bananas xxx

A melancholy town where we never smile

Had a mini binge yesterday when I was supposed to be fasting. I walked to and from town to buy some contact solution and when I got back I had 3 crackers with cheese on, a chocolate and a biscuit, which I promptly threw up. What was even the point? Stupid.

Walked to and from the pub as well, so I suppose yesterday wasn't too much of a failure. I went with one of my best friends, E, but none of our lot were there really so we ended up hanging out with some of my friends who were in the year above us at High School. E doesn't really know them though and I think she felt a bit left out cos she buggered off to another pub down the road with her cousin after a while.

It wasn't a very interesting night, I was invited to go back to some girl's house afterwards but I felt a bit weird about it cos I don't really know her so I didn't. Highlight of the night was my friend saying to me, 'I don't know how this is possible as it's Christmas, but I think you've lost even more weight.' Happy days. Another funny moment was some random guy who was completely plastered trying to chat me up at the bar, he kept touching my arse and said his name was something that sounded like, 'Anthony HerbertSherbet'. Anyway, one of my friends came over and it turned out he sort of knew her so he offered to buy us drinks but he couldn't remember his pin code, or my name for that matter, he asked me it like 3 times.

Today I've literally done like fuck all, I went for a random walk around town for like an hour tho to stop me feeling too much like a lard arse. I'm liquid fasting today, although I had a 62cal chocolate when I got in from my walk. I've also had 2 different diet cup-a-soups, one was 60cals and one was 55cals, and a bit later on I'm gonna have a tin of tomato soup at 171cals, so that makes 348cals for today, which isn't too bad. Tomorrow is my first post Christmas weigh day, I'm hoping to have stayed the same but I think that might be a bit optimistic after everything I ate over Christmas and my stupid binge yesterday, even though I purged that straight away I'm sure some of those evil calories found their way into my body somehow.

lots of lurve xxxx

PS. my boyfriend is back tomorrow (:

You've been crying in the rain

Pissed it down last night, I'm hoping that when I go outside it will have melted most of the ice that was on the pavements, and if it has I'm going to leave an hour before I'm meant to be meeting people to go to the pub and walk the most long-winded way there possible.

Yesterday my fast went quite well. I ended up getting on OK with my family and we all played stupid games all day and had quite a lot to drink. My idea of fasting is usually not eating anything but drinking lots to try and distract myself from the lack of food so that was pretty standard anyway, I was drinking amaretto and diet cokes. I also ate one single hula hoop, one peanut and one slightly stale cheesey wotsit (that's a cheeto to all you American types) but I do mean one and not packets of so that's what, 75cals max? My great aunt and my mum made a vague effort to make me eat but just before we left my mum said to me, 'did you eat anything in the end?' and I said, 'I might have done' which she inexplicably interpreted as 'yes I have eaten in secret'. If you like.

Actually I think that my mother is competing with me. She is forever telling me how little she's eaten and how much weight she's lost, and justifying whatever she does eat. My life is bizarre. Fasting again today, not eating makes me even more intolerant and irritable than usual I think but never mind. Supposedly going to the pub later, if I don't pass out on the way. I think I'm going to eat nothing at all today and then switch up to only liquids tomorrow, and then go back to 500ish calories a day until I go back to uni after that.

Well that was boring wasn't it. I was going to post some pictures of myself but I decided I looked fat in all of them. Just a note tho, the pics at the end of my posts are never of me, just random thinspos, but my profile pic is of me. I might post some pics of me at the pub tomorrow if there are any decent ones but don't hold your breath.

love you all xxx

Like a bird in Aviary

Heyyyy,

yesterday at my friend's house was really fun, I know all her family quite well and they're all really sweet and I drank lots and lots of wine and smoked lots and lots of ciggies and ended up playing poker until about 1am. Oh, and comments were made about my thin-ness. A family friend of theirs described me as a 'slip of a girl' and my friend's mum said, 'ooh I can tell you've lost weight at uni'. Happy days.

I ate a shitload tho, actually just the huge dinner and a few cheesey nibbles but I still feel gross.

I am so so so glad to be fasting today.

And actually eating so much over the past few days has made me want to eat even less, it's reminded me how disgusting it feels to eat.

Horrible.

So today I am going to see my second cousins with my mum. They are all around my age, give or take a few years, and they are all straight A students at Cambridge and Oxford and they are all going to have brought their boyfriends and girlfriends, and obviously my boyfriend won't be there because he's still up north with his family and it's just going to make me miss him and feel stupid and like the single failure I always used to be. At least there's no sit down meal. Just 'nibbles' which are easily avoided.

Last Christmassy thinspo before normality returns...

I want to be someone else or I'll explode

Ergh I feel gross today.

I had a dream that my stomach was literally made out of cellulite.

Yummy.

@sammy your comment made me giggle :p it's definitely merry not marry, I certainly wouldn't want to marry Christmas, it's evil and full of food!

In reality, from the point of view of a normal human being, I didn't eat that much yesterday. And I didn't eat any meat obviously, as I haven't done for 7 years. I heard on the radio that the average amount of calories consumed on Christmas day is 5551cals. And I definately didn't have that many. Although, booze included, maybe I did? Gross. My arms are gross. I can feel the fat on them, sort of writhing. And I must have at least 78 chins going on. I fully expect to have gained back the 2 kilos it's taken me about 3 weeks to lose.

I'm going to one of my best mate's annual family boxing day dinner today. I can't get out of dinner but I'm not eating anything else. I can't wait til tomorrow til I can start fasting again.

I have to try and be positive and think that, yeah I've almost definitely gained tonnes, but there is no way I'm going to give up, especially as I feel so utterly utterly disgusting right now, and I'm going to get on track again as soon as I possibly can, and do ABC once I get back to uni, and join the gym with my friend, and there is no way I won't reach my goal of 42kg because I'm not going to let myself not. It's difficult not to tear myself to pieces but I'm trying to think moderately sensible thoughts for once.

hope you guys aren't feeling as lardy as I am.

love to you all xxxx

&& the bells are ringing out for Christmas Day...

Eat, Drink and Be Merry

and regret it later

Please don't get me rescued

I spent most of this morning dozing in and out of strange fitful dreams in which I was eating vast veggie burgers, bagels, cheeses and yoghurts and waking up panicking, before drifting off again into dreams in which I had gained increasing amounts of weight.

In reality tho, my mad middle of the night work out must have done the trick because I was 45.9kg this morning. Thank fuck. Which means my bmi is 18.4. Shame I'm going to be forced to ruin it all tomorrow, although I have a really dodgy stomach today (probably caused by the fact I didn't ingest anything at all except for alcohol and diet coke yesterday) and if that carries on then I might be able to get away with eating less than I had hoped tomorrow. We'll see.

Today I have eaten 2 rice cakes with low fat philly at 124cals and then I baked a batch of shortbread biscuits for my family and ate two of them, they are from a recipe that has 168cals per biscuit, so my days total is 460cals so far, although I probably won't eat anything else as I'm not feeling great and just do some more mad exercising tonight.

I'm so pleased to finally be below 46.

I do hope I don't gain it all back in the next two days, although my next weigh in is gonna be the morning of the 30th to hopefully give myself some time to repair the damage.

love you all guys xxx

Some girls always get what they wanna

I know I'm posting twice in one day and nobody cares BUT

went to the pub with my skinny mini friend who I weighed less than a few days ago...

yeah she's dropped to 45.8kg

I hate her.

I couldn't go for a walk because the pavements here have literally turned to ice, it took me half an hour to get to her house when it normally takes 10mins just because it was a nightmare trying not to fall over, and then we went to the bizarre old man's pub over the road from hers just because trekking to the pub we wanted to go to seemed impossible, spesh as she was in heels. I had 2 double vodka and diet cokes which I am quite tipsy off as I've been fasting today.

I've also ordered a new dance mat game as it has transpired that my mum 'accidentally' threw the old disc away, so calorie counted work outs shall hopefully resume before I go back to uni, by Jan amazon predicts, but the weather in the UK atm means the post is absolutely buggered so who knows, I'm might just be destined to be a lump forever?

I can feel my arms being enormous pretty much 24/7. I seriously need to tone them up, I'm going to do 200 crunches and 5 minutes of stupid hula things and then go to bed I think. I won't be 46kg tomorrow. I will be 46.4 just because my entire life is against me. WHY CAN'T I JUST LOSE WEIGHT BY ACCIDENT LIKE MY FRIEND?!!!?!?! She can just eat Christmas dinner all carefree like that's OK. It makes me feel aggressive.

I wish I wasn't such a useless wannarexic and that I could lose weight properly.

I wish I didn't weigh a million stone.

I wish a random old guy in the pub tonight hadn't looked up my skirt and said 'woof'.

bloody stupid bloody christmas.

What the fuck is the point?

Except food.

Obviously.

xxx

46.3kg

the children are gonna get it.

Why oh why oh why am I stuck again?

I did have 3 ryvitas by accident in the night last night, I threw them up but it was clearly a bit naive of me to expect to get away with that.

Pre-Christmas fasting today, gonna try do lots of exercise and go for a walk in the hope of seeing 46 tomorrow morning before bloody stupid bloody Christmas makes me fat again.

Bums. && mine is particularly large.

love you all xxx

I grow weary of this world, when shall we return to Transylvania?

Drank myself into oblivion last night, today is one of those 'I'm never drinking again days' that I experience far too often. Fuck I feel sick. Few things I want to share about last night tho...

I met one of my friend's in the Wetherspoons across the road from the pub where we were meeting everyone else first as she wanted to get some food. A load of guys who were a couple of years above us at high school that used to take the piss out of us and spread rumours and crap were in there and they felt the need to send some guy over to ask me if I was into double penetration. Wow guys, that's like, so funny. I had a massive go at the guy and told him he was a sad prat with no respect, but he still had some stupid fucking smirk on his face. He was all, 'I think I'd better go then, but I obviously don't wanna leave it like this,' as if he was really funny, I was just like, 'how would you prefer to leave it then?' and he said, 'I'd prefer it if we all ended this with smiles on our faces,' so I slapped him round the face and said, 'there you go I'm smiling now.' And guess what? It felt bloody wonderful. After that he buggered off for a bit but he came back just before we left to go meet everyone else and said to my friend, 'oh now I'm hearing that apparently it was you that's into that?' so she threw his drink on him and then I barged into one of the guys from high school who'd put him up to it on my way out and he called me a 'dick face' but I mean seriously, do they have nothing else to do with their sad little lives than sit around talking about rumours about people they don't even know that went round like 3 years ago? It's actually tragic.

At the other pub this guy who I haven't seen since the summer when we all went on holiday together was there. He always used to be a little bit chubby and he's lost an absolute shitload of weight. I think he's skinnier than my boyfriend now, I could see his spine and his collarbones and his shoulder bones were like wings. Everyone was commenting on how thin he'd gotten and he kept saying he'd not done anything and trying to act like he'd not even noticed it. I'm not sure whether I'm awestruck or worried. A mix of the two I suppose.

Anyway, I went back to the house that my friend is house sitting after the pub and we drunk even more (fuck knows why, it obviously seemed like a good idea at the time) and I've no idea how I survived the train journey home this morning. Starvation doesn't half make you feel odd, although I don't think the hangover was exactly helpful. The woman 2 seats down from me opened a packet of peanuts and I've never been able to smell anything so strongly in my life. My lips went numb and my feet were tingling but I found that if I stared at my reflection it sort of kept me there, tied me to myself, if that makes any sense. My arms are huge. Got in, ate 83cals of French Fries, went to bed, got up, ate 143cals of noodles, felt deathly sick, lay down, read some blogs, lay down, posted this.

I might have to have a glass of wine actually, hair of the dog, y'kno.

Christ I'm such a fucking alcoholic.

Thank you to everyone who comments, it's so lovely that anybody can be bothered to read all this bollocks and give a shit.

it's not really snowy enough to warrant a snowy picture today, just slushy and gross.

love to all of youuu

xxx

I can't eat anything without shoving my hands down my throat

Title says it all here really doesn't it?

HELLO.

Yesterday we received a package of treats from family friends who make and sell chocolate.

Inside was a bag of orange creams for me as they know they are my favourite. I had 3 before we went out for dinner. At dinner I didn't have a starter or a dessert and just had a goats cheese salad like I said, but I did have 3 slices of bread from the bread basket. Because of the bread and the chocolates I felt huge and ended up throwing most of my dinner in the restaurant toilets and the rest when I got in, and then doing 200 crunches whilst watching super old episodes of Malcolm in the Middle on Sky 1.

Today I had 2 rice cakes before going shopping with my mum, we got coffee while we were out so I had a skinny creme brulee latte and then I had some veggies and pasta when I got in, but I also had two more of the chocolates and so I have somehow ended up throwing up my dinner into a plastic bag.

If I'm not 46kg by Thursday I'm going to go out into the street and punch some children.

I'm off to the pub with my friends who I'm convinced don't like me anymore.

I wish so much that my boyfriend was here.

I just feel as though no matter what I do I'm never going to lose any more weight.

Why on earth is it so hard to starve yourself to death?

You float like a feather in a beautiful world

So I went to my friend's house last night, she is the friend who is known for being super skinny and spent 2 years 'trying desperately' as she put it to gain 9lbs. Anyway we got talking about weight and stuff because she's started losing again and doesn't like it (insane with jealousy anyone?) and also just because I can't seem to think about anything else anymore and I WEIGH LESS THAN HER. She is 46.7kg atm, and I am 46.2kg. I think this must be the first time in the history of the world I've ever weighed less than her, as even when I was at my lowest weight of 46kg she must have been about 44. Her bmi is still lower than mine though as she is an inch taller, I WILL BE THINNER THAN HER.

Also, another of my best mates who has always been a twig has an even more twig like sister who eats like a horse and apparently she started crying at the doctor's today because she was told she was extremely underweight and seriously needed to gain. I would die for that.

I am going to be thinner than all of them. I am going to be thinner than anybody ever. I am going to be shockingly thin. I am going to be sharp and angular.

Yum. That's a much tastier thought than food.

Today so far I have had a skinny creme brulee latte at costa with the girls and this evening I am taking my mum out for dinner as it's her 50th birthday and we're going to cafe rouge where I will have a goats cheese salad which according to google is 534cals and that will be that for today.

Stay skinny darlings xxx

I can't breathe without you

Just a brief one before I trek through the snow to my friend's house.

I was 46.2kg this morning!

Which means my bmi is 18.5.

Supposedly I am almost underweight.

I'm still fat though.

It's strange.

You can't see my spine or my hip bones and you can only just see my ribs. Must try harder.

My collarbones are good though, I took a picture of them a week or so ago:

Also my waist is 25.5 inches.

It doesn't look it at all.

My stomach is enormous.

It all seems bizarre to me.

My boyfriend came over today so we could exchange presents and things before he goes home to Cheshire for ten days.

I wish I could go with him but I have to stay with my family at Christmas, I'm going to miss him absolutely tonnes.

Today I have eaten:

2 rice cakes w/low fat cream cheese 124cals

Some random instant noodles that I found in my house 360cals

484cals

And now I'm off out to guzzle wine and talk nonsense with one of my bestest friends because it is Christmas after all.

I feel very very strong and very motivated and incredibly certain I will reach my goal weight, because although I might fluctuate sometimes, and although I will probably gain again from eating Christmas dinner, I refuse to give up because food is not going to beat me.

I am going to achieve something, and I'm not entirely sure I'm good at anything else except not eating, which I am becoming rather brilliant at.

love to you all xxx

Small Jean Genie

thinspo post #6

Love like winter

Last night was actually not too bad in the end. The glam rock band were all silly old men in PVC flares which unfortunately gave them what can only be described as male camel-toes and I was relentlessly pursued by a hairy man named Ivan but we had a laugh. It was in Chingford and so me and my mum stayed at her friend's flat and drove home through the snow this morning. At first it was quite pretty seeing all the boarded up houses down the north circular in the snow although I felt sick, I love a bit of crumbling suburbia, but after a while the snow got really heavy and as we got nearer to home none of the roads had been gritted and we got stuck in Kenton for about an hour and I ended up having to push the car up the hill on Kenton High Street still in my pyjamas with last night's heels on with a load of random men helping. People were abandoning their cars and there were stuck buses and it's a miracle we ever got home at all really.

It's supposed to be the Christmas do at my friend's pub tonight, but getting there involves going through the same places which I never thought we'd get out of this morning, and I don't think we'll manage it although all of my friend's seem to think we will. Also even if we do I've nothing to wear. I'm not sure because I'm so exhausted and hungover. My boyfriend came round for a few hours and I would so much rather just spend the evening in bed with him but he's had to go to work. He's going home to his parents in the North for Christmas and I'm going to miss him so much :(

Today I've eaten:

1 plain ryvita 32cals

Pasta bake 375cals

2 brazil nuts 46cals

453cals

which wasn't as such under 400 like I had hoped but you get the idea.

Anyway I'm so tired that I'm going to go to bed for a bit and then possibly get up and go out but probably not.

lovely. xxx

Desire you are not the maker of me

I've been feeling so strong and motivated the past few days it's been wonderful.

My total intake yesterday was 281cals plus two single vodka and diet cokes at my friend's gig.

She played beautifully although it wasn't a very eventful evening.

Today I got up at 8 so that my mum could dye my hair for me before she went out, after that I wanted to dig out my old dance mat as I remembered it had a work out mode but I couldn't find the bloody disc anywhere so I ended up spending my day hunting for it, reading 'going hungry', wrapping presents and watching Jeremy Kyle interspersed with sets of 25 crunches.

It's snowing again too, which might be nice if I didn't have to go out. I'm going to some over 30s glam rock night for my mum's birthday, god help me. The organiser is letting me in specially as it's for a birthday. I'm so thrilled ¬_¬

I feel so exhausted and head achey I just cba with the whole fiasco.

Today's intake was a bit on the high side as I didn't realise quite how many calories are in brazil nuts:

cucumber and houmus 83cals

baked potato 278cals

w/ half pot low fat cottage cheese 105cals

5 brazil nuts 116cals

582cals

but the main thing I suppose is that I am in CONTROL and I've not binged at all since I've been home or picked at anything in the kitchen that I ought not to have done and I feel wonderful about that. I plan to stay under 400cals tomorrow and to be positively virtuous up until Christmas. I'm doubting I'll really eat much on Christmas Eve now, but I shall still be fasting on the 23rd. I'm planning on baking shortbread on Christmas Eve from a recipe with 168cals per biscuit so I will probably have a few of those and not much else.

Anyway, I best chuck something on and sort my face out for tonight.

I love how tiny that girl's legs look.

And I love all of you.

xxx

The champagne makes it taste so much better

Sorry I've not posted in a little while, only like a day actually, but that seems a long time for me.

OK so on Tuesday night I went for pizza with my mum as it has become our sort of tradition for when she gives me lifts to and from uni.

Both of us have lost lots of weight recently and as a result have smaller appetites so we didn't get a starter and as we couldn't decide what pizza to have we shared 2 which made it much easier for me to make it look like I had eaten more than I had, I probably had about 4 slices total.

Aside from that I only had 3 rice cakes that day, and that morning I weighed 47kg.

After pizza we picked up my boyfriend who stayed over at my house.

Yesterday I had 2 rice cakes which have higher calories at home as my family buy different brands to me, so 124cals and then me and my boyfriend went up to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, I came on my period that morning and I get dreadful period pains so despite my skinny as anything boyfriend offering to buy me belgian waffles and donuts and all sorts I declined with the excuse my period pains were making me feel sick, which was partly true, while he happily munched away, we had a baileys each though and then we spent an hour ice-skating, which I imagine burnt some calories somewhere, went on a few rides and then went on the huge observation wheel where we had booked a private capsule with champagne. It was so beautiful and romantic and we got quite drunk as well (:

I talked to him about some difficult stuff from my past that I don't really talk about as well and I'm glad I did, when we got back to mine he was hungry so I cooked him egg and beans on toast but I said I still felt sick and didn't have anything and went to bed.

So far this morning I have had 2 rice cakes (I just live on them really) and I am planning on having a packet of french fries and a cup-a-soup for the rest of the day which will equate to around 350cals before going out to my friend's gig in Soho where I will stick to a few vodka and diet cokes.

Fat Bastard's accusations of me being a 'fat girl' at heart have rather motivated me to prove otherwise. I really rather resent that. And it's also a pretty ignorant statement to make that 'real' anorexics are effortlessly thin. If it was effortless it wouldn't be anorexia.

But I'm done with him now because he just makes me cross and acknowledging him is only going to encourage him further.

OK, ramble over.

Love to everyone who is still here and to everyone who isn't.

xoxo

Some words to 'Fat Bastard'

This chap has been bothering a few of us I believe, so I would just like to make a few points here.

For a start I can't really see any of us becoming campaigners for the rights of the obese tbh so I'm not entirely sure what this man is hoping to acheive.

Secondly, I saw on his somewhat repulsive blog the statement, 'the more you eat the happier you are' which I think may be the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. There is nothing commendable about eating far more than your body can handle, aside from the health complications this can cause I can't see any 'enjoyable' effects that this has.

Feeling so full up that you feel sick and don't want to move and carrying on eating? Enjoyable? Admirable? I don't think so.

And then there's the long term consequences of this supposedly 'self indulgent' behaviour.

Paying for two seats on an aeroplane to squeeze your fat arse into, squashing people against the wall on the bus, not being able to find clothes to fit, and eventually the decline of your mobility, finally resulting in being bed ridden and losing the ability to go out, see the world, meet new people. Just your bed and your horrible murderous food.

Yeah totally worth it.

Thanks for the thinspo mate.

Will post properly later lovelies. xxx

Bah Humbug.

I fucking hate fucking Christmas.

Yesterday the flat next door borrowed our table as they were having a pretend Christmas, I went into the kitchen at about 1130 to put my wheat bag thing in the microwave (sort of like a hot water bottle) to help with hunger cramps and they had returned it with a note which said 'thanks for the table, have our leftover pudding!!' next to a huge chocolate gateaux topped with chocolate profiteroles and a plate of mini bite size cheesecakes.

I had 3 profiteroles and a mini cheesecake, and so then I had to purge, at least I got to taste the gorgeous pudding twice. That doesn't sound mental or anything =/

Today I went Christmas shopping with my friend.

It was so stressful.

We had to go to the pub afterwards to chill out.

Which means alcohol calories.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, why does alcohol have to be so fattening

Because the day I give up drinking will be the day I turn into a duck.

Anyway, I've not had much sleep as after purging I only slept for a little bit before waking up for no reason in the middle of the night, writing an anguished paragraph of essay and then going back to bed at 5am to be woken up by the fire alarm at 10.

I've 1382 words to do tonight and I can't stay awake.

I'm drinking a sugar free red bull but it's not helping.

Intake for today excluding the pub =

cereal bar 91cals

individual cheese and onion quiche 350cals

sugar free red bull 7.5cals

448.5cals

bye guys xxx

Another tired afternoon.

Hihihi,

So, the party last night, to cut a long story short the host got very drunk, and true to form did his genuinely terrifying 'rape impression', told us about how he likes to wank with a biro (so much wtf) and then decided to guess what everyone in the room's fetishes were. He guessed that I like having cat food poured on me.

What can I say?

I drunk a big bottle of smirn off ice and nothing else there, altho even that's like 400cals. Ew. And then I nearly passed out when I got in so I HAD to eat a cereal bar.

Regardless of all this, I bit the proverbial bullet this morning and weighed myself and I was 47.1kg, which I am actually really pleased with considering my horrendous recent behaviour, even if it is a gain from a week and a bit ago I don't really mind. I'm feeling much stronger and much more motivated at the moment and I'm confident I can lose that 1.1kg in the next 11 days and reach my Christmas goal of 46, as my final weigh in before Christmas will be the morning of the 23rd.

Also, yesterday I tried on my size 8 high waisted jeans from topshop with the 26inch waist even tho I had sworn not to until I was down to 46, and they fit! And not just like, I could manage to get them done up, they properly fit me, no bulging over the top or anything! Happy days.

Today has not been happy days tho, I have a 2500 word essay due on Tuesday afternoon, I started it today and have managed 946 so far. I think that's plenty for now because my brain hurts, I also cleaned my bathroom in my desperation to make an excuse to have a break from working. More slaving away tomorrow, but also major Xmas shopping, so I may be up all night. Still, I'm going to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park with my boyfriend on Wednesday so I have that to look forward to (:

Intake for today:

3 rice cakes w/low fat cream cheese 123cals

ready salted french fries 83cals

KOKA noodles 143cals

Litre of sugarfree orangeade 10cals (this has pretty much been the only thing keeping me sane today)

total: 359cals

And that will be it because I'm not walking back from anywhere so I won't start passing out and have to have a cereal bar today, altho I have done some crunches.

That's all folks.

love to you all xxxx

PS. I lost a follower today :(

I know who it was as well, I was going to say something but perhaps she just hates me? I love her blog.

Sad times for my life.

That weirdo with 5 colours in her hair

Thinspo post #5