I can't breathe without you

Just a brief one before I trek through the snow to my friend's house.

I was 46.2kg this morning!

Which means my bmi is 18.5.

Supposedly I am almost underweight.

I'm still fat though.

It's strange.

You can't see my spine or my hip bones and you can only just see my ribs. Must try harder.

My collarbones are good though, I took a picture of them a week or so ago:

Also my waist is 25.5 inches.

It doesn't look it at all.

My stomach is enormous.

It all seems bizarre to me.

My boyfriend came over today so we could exchange presents and things before he goes home to Cheshire for ten days.

I wish I could go with him but I have to stay with my family at Christmas, I'm going to miss him absolutely tonnes.

Today I have eaten:

2 rice cakes w/low fat cream cheese 124cals

Some random instant noodles that I found in my house 360cals

484cals

And now I'm off out to guzzle wine and talk nonsense with one of my bestest friends because it is Christmas after all.

I feel very very strong and very motivated and incredibly certain I will reach my goal weight, because although I might fluctuate sometimes, and although I will probably gain again from eating Christmas dinner, I refuse to give up because food is not going to beat me.

I am going to achieve something, and I'm not entirely sure I'm good at anything else except not eating, which I am becoming rather brilliant at.

love to you all xxx