I almost want to go back to uni because at least then I'll be miserable and isolated, rather than just... complacent, pointless, a rotting mound of worthless flesh.
I knew being home would do this to me, it just took it's time.
I was almost within my calorie limit today, but it doesn't stop me being enormous.
Went to the pub with my friend for a bit but then she went off to 'do music' at our other friend's house. I'm not invited because I'm a talentless lump.
I hate when I really think about the fact that I'm going absolutely nowhere.
so I'm going to keep drinking on my own, and hopefully by the time I finally drink myself to death I'll be thin enough for it to seem attractively tragic, rather than altogether repulsive, much like my entire existence.
Sorry I've not really been reading your blogs lately, when I am back at uni and fully within the grips of seasonal depression and the comforting confines of ABC I promise to read and comment on all of your blogs more regularly.
Wow that was cheerful.
I'm not posting any thinspo because thinking about thin people makes me want to cut my head off.
love you all
xxxxx
1 comment:
I truly am sorry that you're having a rough time. I think going back to uni will be good for you. In the meantime, try to remind yourself that you actually ARE useful.
My boyfriend is in a band and whenever they or he and others get together to play, I involve myself. Even though I don't play any instruments well enough to "jam" with them, I often smoke weed (or don't smoke) and draw endless pieces of art that they use on gig flyers, etc. while I listen to them play. Finding some way to get your creativity out is vital to feeling like you have a purpose in your life. I hope you find yours. Love!
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