There's a star man waiting in the sky

ABC day 4

limit: 400cals

2 egg whites 34cals

small raspberry yoghurt 56cals

2 rice cakes with low fat cream cheese 82cals

tomato and lentil soup 240cals

412cals

I was slightly over because I thought the soup was 220cals rather than 240 but life goes on.

@skittles, Oceana is a chain of nightclubs here in the UK.

And thankyou everyone who follows me!

I can't beleive 58 whole people are interested in my rubbish life.

OK last night was just a bit meh really. Standard drinking and dancing followed by boredom, sore feet and an impatience to leave. But what I really want to talk to about is something a bit heavy, don't know why I didn't post this when I heard about it, but I've not said much about any of my back story on here and I suppose I was a bit reluctant to change that?

Basically, a few nights ago I got a drunken phone call from my mum, who had been at the funeral of an old friend of hers, asking which pubs were still open in my home town at midnight, I could hear the noise of all her old punk mates being generally raucous in the background so I guessed she'd met up with all her old crowd at the funeral and she told me that she had met up with my Dad's old best friend Pinner.

OK here's where some back story needs to happen, basically, my parents divorced when I was 2, my Dad died when I was 12, he was a heroin addict, and he'd been living at my grandparents house and trying to get clean for a month or so. The day he went back to his own flat, my Grandma (his mum) was trying to call him, but she couldn't get an answer, so she worried and went round there in the morning. He didn't answer the door so she called the police who broke down the door and found him dead on the sofa. My Grandma doesn't really talk about it much but my mum and I had always assumed that he had given up on getting clean and gone home and had his usual dose, which had been too much for his system as he hadn't been using and it had killed him.

But my mum told me very vaguely on the phone that Pinner (also a junkie) had told her some stuff about how he'd died and that he hadn't been alone or something? And he wants to take us out for dinner to tell me about it? I feel a bit weird about it all and I'm not sure I really want to know, actually. I don't really want to have to have emotions in public either, especially not in front of my mother. I don't know I just feel a bit wibbly I suppose. It might just fall off and never get mentioned again though. Is that what I want?

On a lighter but still rather pressing note, my flat rep is organising a trip to Frankie and Benny's on Wednesday as we need to 'do more as a flat' apparently. I would actually like to go as it might stop me being so pathologically afraid of most of my flatmates, but how in the name of arse am I going to go to a restaurant with out eating anything? What will I say? 'Oh sorry guys, I know we've gone out for a meal but I'm just going to stare at the rest of you eating in an envious sort of a way so that I don't ruin my ABC diet, which by the way stands for Anorexia Boot Camp.' That will end well won't it? Any advice greatly appreciated on this subject.

Sorry for the long long long long post.

If you have read this far I award you a gold star, a (sadly imaginary) calorie-less cookie and some thinspo:

&& now I'm off to a punk gig in Brixton with my mummy.

lovelovelove xxx