48.4kg

Part of me thinks that the scales just hate me and that my weight can't possibly be related to how much I am eating

But the better part of me knows I have NOT been trying hard enough at all this week.

Last night I had pasta for dinner and afterwards I ended up eating half a tub of cottage cheese and a mini aero.

I wanted to purge but my mum's room is right next to the toilet so in the end I settled with doing 300 painful sit-ups.

But I'm still fat.

My mum wants to take me for pizza and drive me back tonight and I can't really refuse.

I'll throw it up after she's gone, and then tomorrow is a fast day.

I HAVE to be under 48 next Wednesday or I'm going to lose the plot.

Also my mum is going to want to pick up my dirty washing but there's a skirt covered in blood stains from me getting in pissed and slicing myself to pieces the other night, going to have to hide it while she's in the toilet or something and learn how to use a washing machine to wash it myself.

Sitting here with turquoise dye on my head in front of the heater watching the apprentice.

I WILL BE THIN.

2.5kg to lose before Christmas.

I can do this.